[Dragonmail: Victor Bristol]

[senecio]

I'm sorry.

[No. No, he's really not, but he really needs to try to make nice with him for Zachary's sake, at least.]

There's a lot I still can't forgive Gabriel for, and I just took it out on you because you were there. It doesn't excuse anything I said to you. I know that. I just thought you should know why I said what I did.

[And because Victor deserves something truthful...]

I am glad you aren't dead, you know.

Comments

[pulledunder]

[still a bit sore himself, but they do have to try, and not just for Zachary]

[although Zachary is definitely part of it]

I don't want to tell you how to think of your own as long as you'll do the same for me.

Well, I know now.

[senecio]

I can try. Not the best answer, I know, but it's the best I can do right now.

Look, when you told me you were still alive, being hurt overpowered everything else. Logically, I understand why you didn't say anything, but it felt like you didn't trust me, and that stung, Victor.

[I hope you're happy, Victor. You're making me deal with feelings here. :|]

[pulledunder]

And if you could stop it with the claims my life's been ruined, I'd appreciate that, too.

I put minimizing my risk of execution above your feelings. It may have hurt, but I hope I was avoiding the more painful alternative.

[maybe not, but then there's another problem]

[senecio]

[But it has been! :|]

I think I can do that.

Yes, because we both know I deal with these kinds things in the most healthy way possible. [have a little smiley face sketch, Victor! He's so not entirely serious about that] Did you forget that after Gabriel cut my strings, I thought the best way of dealing with that was to get so completely drunk that I couldn't feel anything anymore?

[pulledunder]

[he just has to make sure!]

Well. Once many of us became aware of that reality, we went temporarily some form of unstable. And that was without your unique problem. By comparison, you handled it well.

[senecio]

Yeah, well... guess what I did when I found out you were dead. I'd blame it on the Solstice party, but I really can't.

I wanted to blame him for a little while before I realized you would have gone and done something that stupid anyway...

[pulledunder]

Sorry. I would rather you have gotten excessively drunk for celebration instead.

[he just assumes there might have been indulgent drinking anyway. but the mood matters]

I needed to help liberate the people of Bastan. There are still people I care about there, and people I care about who care about it. Besides that, I have a lot to make up for. It was the least I could have done.

[senecio]

I wish I could have, too.

[Oh, there was! Just... Nayan spent most of it thinking about Victor and wondering if Rhys was actually going to tell Zach that his brother was dead.]

You're amazing, you know that? Most of them probably would have killed you on sight because of what you did, and you still wanted to help them.

[pulledunder]

It's hardly amazing. What kind of person would I be if I didn't want to help them after what I did?

[senecio]

Well, you know, they were ready to kill you during the siege when we broke into Bastan. All I'm saying is that if it were me, I'm not sure I'd be so ready to help them out after that.

[pulledunder]

They had every reason and right to want to. That's why I had to.

[senecio]

[...how does that logic even work, Victor?]

They wanted to kill you, so you had to try to save them?

[pulledunder]

Not because they wanted to kill me, but because of why they did.

What I did was wrong. I'm not in position to say I wouldn't help them unless they were tolerant of me. I have to show them they can trust me again first.

And that's asking a lot.

[senecio]

The paladins still mean a lot to you, huh?

[pulledunder]

Of course they do. I didn't betray them out of hatred.

[senecio]

I know that.

[pentaaaaaaps]

And you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, right?

[pulledunder]

I know. But that doesn't mean people won't get hurt. It's the nature of it.

[senecio]

Also technically in the nature of what I do, but I'm not planning on bringing work home. If someone gets hurt, it won't be him.

Do you believe that or am I going to need to swear that on something?

[pulledunder]

I know that too.

But you've helped us before. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. I don't need any promises in blood.

[senecio]

Good.

[More pentaps.]

So... are things okay now between us?

[pulledunder]

Yeah, it sounds like it.

[senecio]

Good.

It was kind of exhausting being mad at you.

[pulledunder]

We should avoid it again if we can. Zach tends to blame himself.

[senecio]

He blamed himself after I left, didn't he.

[pulledunder]

Naturally.

I think I managed to convince him otherwise.

[senecio]

I'm going to need to train him out of that. It was cute the first time, not so much the second. Or third. Or tenth.

[pulledunder]

I wish you luck.

I want to think independence will help. He might gain some confidence as he makes more decisions for himself.

[senecio]

Well, he's definitely gotten more stubborn about some things. Baby steps, I guess.

[pulledunder]

[wait does that help or not, he's not sure]

Conviction is something of a start...

[senecio]

It's better than the wide-eyed innocence from before.

[pulledunder]

Hey, let's not encourage getting rid of wide-eyed innocence completely.