zenderael_ol | (no subject)

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[Saturday night, after dealing with Jordan.]

[Dragon Mail: Rhys Elena]

So. Fear of dogs.

[Dragon Mail: Theresa, Player of Ashtaroth]

Sorry for the late reply.

I'm working on it, but [since we're all here] if we can avoid that sort of thing for now...

Sorry if I endangered anything on your end.

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I'm... not sure. There were a handful that played the game together, so their characters interacted a lot with one another. I was never really a part of that group, but I also didn't roleplay very much...

[... Sounds kind of lonely when you put it that way.]

Yeah? Could have fooled me. Ashtaroth seems different enough.

Ah... I wanted to go in a different direction with Ashtaroth. I'm worried she won't have much to go on when she awakens, however. I've had to spend my time with her doing these fetch quests and other things instead of ... her.

I'm sorry. It sounds terrible no matter how you put it.

I'm told it's not something well understood even on your side.

[But she speaks about Ash as a person... and she's worried. There are more terrible things than that. It vindicates some of his feelings about this, too.]

Do you think there's a way I can help?

No. We don't know why this is happening, or how. We can only weather it as best we can, as it hits us. The two worlds may end up being one and the same soon, the way things are looking. Having a cleric with strong healing abilities will be useful.

But... there's no reason for it... there's no backstory, there's nothing, nothing feasible. It's a race against time towards... what? Another broken person? [she doesn't even understand herself, nevermind another person... why did she ever think to create another one?]

I don't know. I really don't. Do what you feel is best. I can only contrive so much.

[Yeah. They might. There are more important things than their personal dramas, but it's easy to forget. Rhys says their odds are better together than not, but what are they even fighting?]

I can't promise to keep close. It's possible that might endanger her eventually.

Until that happens, I'll do what I can to make sure she doesn't have to work through it alone.

[what can she even say to that? she endangered ashtaroth the moment she made her, and endangered herself in the process. it seems strange to think the stuff that had been created by them would be more dangerous than the things happening on their own...]

I don't know what will happen. I can't imagine what relations she has now sticking. They're convenient for us, but don't make any sense otherwise...

[given her usual interactions are with the likes of alexander and nova, she isn't quite sure how to feel about this...]

I... I prefer she not. Thank you.

But this is the reality now. So it makes sense, even if it shouldn't. It's not something that can be hidden from her the way everything's happening.

She'll have her own feelings about it, the way we all do.

It's not something she can do with you, is it?

[He's honestly not sure. Rayu has decisions he'd stand by, things someone like Ravindra might say Rhys decided, but...]

It isn't that I want to hide anything... I just don't know what I'll say when she asks why. It certainly didn't go over well the first time...

What do you wish had been different for you?

[... This takes a while. It's difficult piecing it together.]

Not being told upfront by one of the players who made someone dangerous to my family. Not seeing a friend of mine change into a different person. These aren't problems Ash seems likely to have.

But it's difficult enough to process what this is and what it means without being terrified it's another imminent danger to watch for.

It [...] isn't though. The disappearances are. The merge is. That's all more important.

I wish I had been given the bigger picture in a place where I felt safe enough to listen.

Ah... [but where is a place ashtaroth would feel safe? the temple? would she still feel safe there once she awoke?

what would her relationship to ashtaroth be? what did she want it to be? she doesn't even know. she doesn't even think the original purpose stands anymore.]

I wish I could do it myself...

You mean telling her yourself?

Yes. Not so much by dragonmail, even that seems lacking...

...though I cannot say I wish to be in Zenderael at all.

[... He did start this hoping to understand, but damn if it isn't frustrating. What can they do to make it easier?]

There may not be a right way to do this.

... I suppose not.

I simply thought you might know...

Ash is pretty sharp. And her goals revolve around life's biggest mysteries. Things we don't know, can't know, and how to be all right with that.

She may be angry, [ge'd deserve a lot of her anger, too...] but she knows better than to be angry forever.

I hope you're right.

[He hopes so, too.]

[...]

What is it you're most afraid of?

With her. With this.

That she'll get tangled up in the same trouble I have.

I have no way of protecting her. I created her for selfish reasons and I don't want to have to face the consequences of what that could do to her.

I don't know what I'll do when she wakes up. I was so lost when Reilanin awoke...

I'm not sure I understand. What trouble? What would it take to protect her?

[And is Theresa in danger...? So much of this he struggles with. But he's trying.]

Some who are acquainted with Reilanin are displeased with the manner in which I created her, and have threatened my life and the lives of their own players as well.

[oh look there was room for this to get heavier]

[he will never doubt again]

That's going a bit far.

And they'd target Ash?

Well. They have their own reasons to go against their creators as well, not simply because of what I've done. I apologize. It was misleading of me to say it as though it were otherwise.

It's a possibility I can't rule out. At least two, plus Reilanin herself, know that Ashtaroth is mine.

But it's not like that solves anything.

We don't [...] exist when you're not with us, do we?
So if something happened, you would know?

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