zenderael_ol | (no subject)

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[Dragon Mail: Ezra Amos]
I spoke to the Asha.

Whatever research he tried to do didn't sit well with him. He seems convinced he's going to die.

He refused protection.

[Dragon Mail: Reilanin]
I met with the Asha.

I'm sorry. I wasn't able to find out anything more about your connection to him.

[Dragon Mail: Jordan Hayes]
Got to see the Asha last night.

You know how they say mages can lose their minds...?

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Like his life depended on it. It's like he didn't notice he was doing it... it happened when he got more emotional, I think?

Don't get me wrong, I'm worried about him, but short of tying him to something, I'm not sure what we could do. Ethics of that aside, if he thrashed at all, he's the Asha. It could be a literal hurricane.

I might have roughed him up...? A little.
Turned out he was just a kid.
[kind of feels awful blatantly saying there is nothing scary about Siegmund but]

[there isn't]

Especially if he's not stable.

Damn. Have I ever told you how much mages scare me?

They have people like that in the greycloaks? Are you sure he wasn't just ... I don't know, faking it for attention...?

It's pretty terrifying.
I'll keep an eye on it when I can. He didn't seem to hate me.

I'm sure.
Makes me wonder about their recruiting strategies. Disturbing they'd use them that young, though.

Guess when you think about it, we're not much older.

...if he's like that... if he's like that, it makes me wonder

Well, no. Nevermind, I've just. Had a lot on my mind lately. It's nothing that there's an answer to anyway. Let me know if you need anything, though I don't think there's much I can do.

I wonder where they even think to pick up people. Or why. Or... or how. The type of people that have to be okay with what they're doing, I just... I just can't wrap around my head what sort of goal they must have in mind.

[not much older... yeah, that's true. he's only 23... 24 next month........ next month? jesus christ, he didn't even remember his own birthday was coming up until now

does it even matter? oh god, what if his family forgot? did he- oh god he forgot nate's birthday. he fucking forgot his older brother's birthday. oh god they are going to totally forget about him aren't they?]

Yeah, I guess not.

Hey, if you've got more to say, I'll hear you out.
But I know what you mean about lacking answers.

Thanks, I'll let you know. The same goes for you.

All that killing... ~~If it came down to it, I don't know if I could~~ [What if he has to? No. Even with what Nadir said-- no.] Maybe it's like Gunnar. They feel like it's a place to belong?

Sometimes I still do things and wonder if Nadir is shaking his head somewhere.

Not really, I just... I keep thinking back to that "traitor among us" idea and all the people it could possibly be, but I don't know how good a traitor a mad Asha would be. But I already know the Vahishta can access Earth... but I don't know, I don't want to think about it. I see him almost every day as it is.

It could be. I still can't understand it, though.

[oh man lol ezra just laughed out loud seriously at that]

Maybe? Man if you see me doing it, you can be pretty sure he'd do it.

I was suspicious. It's why I wanted to see him myself. If anyone had that kind of power, it'd have to be the Asha, I thought. Feeling kind of guilty about that. Even to suggest he went mad doing it... I can't see it now.

As for him, you'd know better than I would.
But if somehow, something happens... You let me know.

Wow. He would be doing it a lot.

Yeah... but now we have to worry about him for a completely different reason.

I think this is the worst part about it. Just... the waiting. And I don't want to wait, but we don't have a way of guessing what comes next.

Yeah. Yeah, of course. You'll be first to know, you know that.

I'm sure it isn't all that bad, hahaha. Don't worry about it. We're doing our best, right? He trusts us.

I mean he might come to regret that, but that'll be his problem, right?

It always comes down to waiting, doesn't it? One day, if this situation ever lets us take the offensive, I swear I'm going to make sure it's very sorry about it.

Yeah, I know. I just need to say it, sometimes.

Ha, yeah. He does. I can't even imagine.

But we won't let him down, so I guess he has nothing to worry about.

Normally I think I'm supposed to be the one that goes, no Rhys! Don't just go running into things! But fuck it I'd be right there with you. If this ... thing had a face, I'd be punching it, right now.

Though I've had my fill of punching for the next little while, I think.

Hahaha yeah, sounds like he's getting updates here and there from folks, and I can keep him better in the loop now with the dragonamils going to and from Earth. If he has any worries we'll be the first to know.

Hey, if you watch my back, I'll watch yours.
I'd even hold it for you so you can get a few extra hits in.

[Eh heh...] Don't blame you.

That's true. He's, ah, looking after one of mine, too.

Although... I feel he'll be a better student than I was.

Coulda used you on wednesday. Did you know Savarna's got a mean right hook?

Ah, yeah, that's right. Gunnar? I don't think I ever met him. Well, the kid's a sin, right? He'd have a better aptitude for that sorta thing anyway. I wouldn't worry about it. I think Nadir enjoyed having you more than you think.

But I'm glad he's got Gunnar. I always kinda wonder if he's got enough to do.

Ravindra hit you?
Do you even know why, or was it just... Ravindra?

That's the one. He always used swords, so they have that to work with.

Yeah? I'm just glad it's not a huge imposition. I don't think Gunnar would be disobedient for the sake of it, but there's still a lot of work to be done.

Turns out he's really fucking pissed with Heimdall. He guessed I was a player- not too hard to if you really think about it. I'll accept blame insofar as I walked after him and smacked him in the head and told him to knock if off [to put it politely] and he turned around and clocked me.

Oh, well, he took my glasses off first. Apparently one of the people from Earth I know here that I made a paladin thought that was a nice gesture. [still pissy about all of this despite himself]

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. Nadir's not the sort to take that sort of attitude anyway. It won't last long if he decides it's not worth his time. [and he can't imagine rhys making a character that wouldn't have some care in that respect]

Sorry you had to deal with that.

Nothing nice about it. I get he's got issues, but [but Ezra's given up a lot to be here...] he shouldn't be taking them out on you.

My predictions with Gunnar haven't always been accurate. I thought he might do something drastic. Then he wrote me. But he'll give his best, that much I'm sure of.

He'll get over it or he'll leave. Not much to be done about it on my end, unfortunately. I already had my turn dealing with this shit with Nadir. I'm not going to feel guilty on someone else's behalf.

Well, no. There are situations that are gonna come up that they'll have to sort through themselves. I mean, you think about it, there's always a time when we could have decided something else for one of them when we were playing them, but whatever decision we made we had to use from then on out. Same thing, except they're doing it on their own. If he's got people like Nadir- and people like you- on his side, he should come out okay.

Try not to worry about it too much.

...hell who am I kidding. I'd be worrying too.

Sounds like you've got it under control, at least. No one can say you don't do your best over there.

Ha. But you're right. And I'd be saying the same thing to you.

Thank you.

[And thanks for Nadir, too, but that would be weird to say...]

It's not like I have anything better to do, haha.

But... I dunno. Having this to do, and doing everything for it, I just. It makes me kind of happy, in a way, I guess. Even when it's frustrating. I can't look back and say I should have tried harder.

Rhys, I got your back. Don't forget that, all right?

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.

I won't. The same goes for you, you know.

Man, of course I do, you only tell me that every time we talk.

It'll probably come up again. Fair warning.

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