[Dragonmail: Ravindra]

[transfer_student]

Ravindra!

What are you avoiding Reilanin for? Shouldn't you thank her for freeing Iravati? You are both being very weird.

(I almost forgot to ask you so maybe it's all sorted out now; if so never mind)

-Nova

Comments

[paladont]

What do you do when people get angry with you?

[transfer_student]

If they're right, or I like them, I try to make it up to them when I can.

If they're wrong, or I don't like them, then I get mad too.

[paladont]

How do you tell the difference?

[transfer_student]

It just depends on how I feel about it.

If I think I'm right and then decide I'm wrong later, then that's just another mistake I can just try to make up for in the end...

Your mistakes really bother you a lot, though, don't they? Do you know why?

[paladont]

Because it's bad to make mistakes.

[transfer_student]

But you've got to make some. [Unless you're perfect but sorry Ravi that was Heimdall's other experiment]

You can't forgive yourself for them when you do?

[paladont]

It's hard to.

When you make mistakes people think less of you

[transfer_student]

Yes, they do. And it's really irritating!

But that doesn't mean you have to join them in thinking less of you.

[paladont]

I don't know how to think more of me

[If he wasn't drunk that would sound so stupid to him]

[transfer_student]

You need to become your own ally, Ravindra! And side with yourself no matter what.

Even if you aren't really impressing yourself. If the measure you've been using for how to impress yourself involves guessing what everyone else maybe wants you to be (which will all be different things they never fully explain to you), you'll never manage to be very good at it anyhow.

[paladont]

I don't think I'll manage to be very good at anything.

I told Alex I would try to fix myself and I've been trying to be more honest with people about what I want but it's so difficult, and there's so much to fix that's just as difficult, it feels impossible

[transfer_student]

[Alex maybe you aren't so nice after all!]

Has Alex ever tried changing his personality to make someone else happy? Don't worry about impressing him, if you try to change into his ideal person you'll feel weird about that forever.

Do you want to be more honest?

[paladont]

I don't know. He said he changed to suit me but I didn't notice because I'm too selfish

Vati told me to make a list of what I want to be like, so I have that.

My other friend said he wished I was more open and told him when I was upset with something, so I was trying to work on that before all this happened but I think it didn't help because when I was honest everything fell apart.

[transfer_student]

Maybe it has to ruin everything a few times before it starts to help.

Or it will just go on ruining things.

You know, I haven't actually got the most enviable personal life...

But I'm never tormented by guilt, and I do recommend that part as a way to live!

[paladont]

I feel like I should give up.

I can't be that kind of person.

[transfer_student]

Don't give up, Ravindra. Just work on the things you've already decided to try and be nice to yourself if you don't change as fast as you want to.

May I have permission to try to help, if I can think of a way?

[paladont]

I don't know how to be nice to myself.

[Man he doesn't even need to think about this one, help? yes plz, he needs all the help he can get]

Yes.

[transfer_student]

[Oh, Ravindra]

Well if you're being hard on yourself, and you notice, try to think about something else.

[paladont]

Ah... Alright.

[That sounds...easier than everything else he's being asked to do, at least]