[Dragon Mail: Ravindra Savarna]

[assassinot]

Hey. I know everything got a little weird for a second there. I haven't heard from Missie at all, even now. So everything's really gone, I suppose.

Are you doing okay? [YOU DIDN'T GO BACK TO YOUR DUMB BOYFRIEND DID YOU she can't ask that.]

Did you ever make that list?

Do you even really need it?

Comments

[paladont]

[SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM]

[also he can't respond to this until evening so sorry if you end up having to wait forever for a reply, Vati]

I'm fine. [Is he going to have to start penalizing himself every time he says that or what] Things are better now, mostly. But I have a month of kitchen duty for fighting with the Spenta. [and Reilanin hasn't contacted him yet either!!]

Ah, I made one. I don't know if I need it, I'm not really sure what to do with it.

[assassinot]

[Make an "I'm fine" jar and put five copper in it every time obviously.]

Is that all? Not a bad trade off for getting to punch your own guild leader. I'd take that deal.

Once you go back to liking yourself, what use does it have?
[Incorrect assumption that hating yourself is a temporary condition.]

[paladont]

Yes, I'm glad that's all it was. I worried I would be demoted.

...Vati, you can't 'go back' to something that was never true.

[assassinot]

[Pity the Armaiti wouldn't be for it. Maybe she can punch someone else important.]

[wait what]

You mean... never?

Never ever?

[paladont]

Never.

[assassinot]

[She has a hard time computing this!]

Do you like your list?

[paladont]

I think it's the kind of person I could like. [not sure tho...]

[assassinot]

Is "think" good enough?

Shouldn't it be more...

"This is fantastic and I would kiss me!"?

[paladont]

I think that's asking for a lot.

[assassinot]

I would kiss me. [vati stop]

[paladont]

[whoops letter from Reilanin time, sorry Vati, it's a while before he replies bc repairing his relationship w/her is more important than humouring you]

It's hard to imagine ever liking myself the way you like yourself.

[assassinot]

[She forgets about it for a time. OH RIGHT THIS.]

[... She might have to concede hers is a bit extreme...]

Maybe not hating yourself is good enough for most people.

[paladont]

I still don't know what to do with it.

It's a long list.

[assassinot]

You could show it to me. Maybe I could help.

[paladont]

[NO IT'S EMBARRASSING]

[fine]

[here's a copy of the list for her. it's not entirely realistic about what's actually possible because he was just going for the reverse of all the things he hates about himself]

[which is everything]

[(except his hair. he has very nice hair.)]

I'm already working on trying to be more honest about how I feel, and Nova said to maybe not be so hard on myself.

[assassinot]

[Staring at this length of list makes Nova 120% more correct about that.]

You should listen to Nova.

Do you feel more honest yet?

[paladont]

Not really.

It's still hard to say what I really think. I worry how people will react.

[assassinot]

How they react is their problem.

[paladont]

Not if they're reacting to me.

[assassinot]

I'm not sure I get it.

You do a thing and they react, or they do a thing and you react. Nobody has all the responsibility for how reacting goes. Right?

[paladont]

I guess not, but if they get angry then it becomes my problem.

[assassinot]

Why? Who cares if they get mad?

Unless they attack, I guess.

You're a paladin. Smite them. Make your reaction their problem.

[vati honestly believes this is helpful I'm sorry]

[paladont]

Ah... I don't think it works like that...

I get nervous when people are upset with me. [When he didn't mean to make them upset, anyway.]

[...he gets nervous around people no matter what tho]

[assassinot]

What about when you're upset with people?

[paladont]

What do you mean?