[Dragon Mail: Ravindra Savarna]

[assassinot]

Hey. I know everything got a little weird for a second there. I haven't heard from Missie at all, even now. So everything's really gone, I suppose.

Are you doing okay? [YOU DIDN'T GO BACK TO YOUR DUMB BOYFRIEND DID YOU she can't ask that.]

Did you ever make that list?

Do you even really need it?

Comments

[assassinot]

I would kiss me. [vati stop]

[paladont]

[whoops letter from Reilanin time, sorry Vati, it's a while before he replies bc repairing his relationship w/her is more important than humouring you]

It's hard to imagine ever liking myself the way you like yourself.

[assassinot]

[She forgets about it for a time. OH RIGHT THIS.]

[... She might have to concede hers is a bit extreme...]

Maybe not hating yourself is good enough for most people.

[paladont]

I still don't know what to do with it.

It's a long list.

[assassinot]

You could show it to me. Maybe I could help.

[paladont]

[NO IT'S EMBARRASSING]

[fine]

[here's a copy of the list for her. it's not entirely realistic about what's actually possible because he was just going for the reverse of all the things he hates about himself]

[which is everything]

[(except his hair. he has very nice hair.)]

I'm already working on trying to be more honest about how I feel, and Nova said to maybe not be so hard on myself.

[assassinot]

[Staring at this length of list makes Nova 120% more correct about that.]

You should listen to Nova.

Do you feel more honest yet?

[paladont]

Not really.

It's still hard to say what I really think. I worry how people will react.

[assassinot]

How they react is their problem.

[paladont]

Not if they're reacting to me.

[assassinot]

I'm not sure I get it.

You do a thing and they react, or they do a thing and you react. Nobody has all the responsibility for how reacting goes. Right?

[paladont]

I guess not, but if they get angry then it becomes my problem.

[assassinot]

Why? Who cares if they get mad?

Unless they attack, I guess.

You're a paladin. Smite them. Make your reaction their problem.

[vati honestly believes this is helpful I'm sorry]

[paladont]

Ah... I don't think it works like that...

I get nervous when people are upset with me. [When he didn't mean to make them upset, anyway.]

[...he gets nervous around people no matter what tho]

[assassinot]

What about when you're upset with people?

[paladont]

What do you mean?

[assassinot]

When you're upset, other people don't have to be nervous. I'm not nervous. [She enjoys it sometimes tbh]

And it goes away eventually.

So it's easy to say most people are probably like that, right?

[paladont]

But I'm not nervous with you either, because I'm not worried about how you'll react.

[assassinot]

That sounds like it could be important.

[paladont]

[not sure how it possibly could be] I already know you won't hurt me if you get upset.

[assassinot]

[Gosh Ravindra this is why we have the SMITING PLAN obviously problems solved. (no vati stop)]

[oh wait]

Hurt how?

[paladont]

However.

There's a lot of ways to hurt someone when they disagree with you.

[see: lessons learned from shitty parenting]

[assassinot]

[O-oh. Now she understands.]

Not everyone's going to be like that.

[...]

He didn't really exist, did he?

[paladont]

No. He didn't.

He wasn't real, but the memories are.

[assassinot]

[... this does change some things...]

Who even thinks a person like that up?

Was it Missie? Is that how this works?

But she's so...