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[Dragonmail: Rayu Barozu]

Are you all right?

[The first letter he sends upon waking up Sunday morning. He needs to know if Rayu's okay. Ravi getting out doesn't mean Rayu pulled through, though he's hopeful it does. So hopeful, in fact, that he doesn't even consider Rayu being dead as a real possibility.]

[It's sobering when the dragon refuses to take the letter.]

[A couple hours of desperate panic ensue as he tries to find someone who can tell him what happened. He comes up short, and then remembers...]

[Dragonmail: The Ahura]

[Rayu's player.]

Victor. What happened to him?

[And then a few hours after that, once he's had time to settle and realizes there are other people he needs to get in touch with. Early Sunday afternoon, by this point.]

[Dragonmail: Alexander Varista]

Are you all right?

Why did you leave us?

[Dragonmail: Reilanin]

[please let this letter send, please do not tell him that the god-organ changed hands and she died in the process]

I don't know if Alex told you about the mission on Friday night, but I survived it.

What happened with the Asha?

[OH THANK GOD the dragon took it]

[there are probably other people he should write but he just does not have the energy right now. Later. Tomorrow, maybe, if he's feeling better enough for it then.]

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... no. I don't mind her. She stares at me sometimes. She told me that it was very strange to meet me, though she's known me for so long. And now that she has met me, I'm different from what she knew. [ she's changed. is that good or bad? ]

She is nervous and quiet. She lives very high up. I can see much of the city from her balcony. She likes to read. She concerns herself with the boy and goes out rarely. She seems like one who is not sure of what she is doing.

[ ah, the question. she hesitates over this and tries not to scribble on the page while she thinks about it. ]

Yes. He knew the Asha. We met soon after the Asha left. He came to fetch something for him that he had forgotten.

Of course you're different. She barely left you with anything. Did she expect you not to learn?

What was he like?

I was surprised to hear it myself. I do not think I expected to, either. [ of course, she knew already she had. she'd known since alexander returned from afera that she was changing, that her understandings and priorities were different. ]

Scared. [ not written without some satisfaction tbh ]

Do you think it's a good thing? To be different from how she made you? [he has Feelings on this issue]

Of you? Good.

But besides scared.

... I am not sure. The reason for which I was created... [ it's complicated here, because she can't imagine consciously being aware of being unable to interact. ] We began at a similar point. In breaking off from her, I... progressed faster. I do not know why this is.

Hm. Apologetic. Desirous to help, but I do not see how he could. [ does he know yet...? has alexander said anything? she hasn't, either. she never took duncan up on his offer. she doesn't want to. ]

She made you like her?

[wow, depressing tbh. he loves reilanin but she knows so little about the world. to be created that way because somebody else grew up that way--he doesn't know what to think of that.]

Maybe it's because you have me and Alex to help you learn.

[he knows, but not because of Alex. he doesn't want to talk to Alex about it yet, and he doesn't realize Alex has informed Reilanin so he's certainly not going to bring it up to her unprompted.]

That's how he is when he talks to me, too. He feels guilty, I think.

He should.

Mostly. It seems, though, that much has changed for her, as things have changed for me.

I don't know. I do not feel as though I need to be important to her anymore. Nor does she feel the same towards me. And I am fine with that.

[ she definitely made him feel guilty hahaha ]

He was angry with me. I think it is because I would not take him seriously.

Ah, I can't really imagine feeling like you need to be important to your player.

[bristling @ duncan getting angry w/rei tbh, but she said he was 'scared' so he probably didn't try to hurt her. calming down a bit, then]

He's hard to take seriously sometimes. He seems so idealistic. He's helped me before, but I feel like he talks down to me.

Not all of us were created with the same reasoning in mind. I had a different purpose from you and Alexander. I suppose that is why my feelings on the matter are different.

I suppose it is ... simply the desire to be important to someone. Many people feel that way, don't they?

It seems at once both impossible to think they could do something to help, and impossible to think that they couldn't, for all the trouble that's come out of it. They have so little actual power.

Yes, I think so. [he understands that feeling well. he wants to be important to the people who are important to him. it's a trait he shares with akhi, but akhi took it to an unreasonable extreme.]

They only had power because they could control us. Without that they don't have anything.

[pause...]

You're important to me, Reilanin.

Yes...

But they are still people.

[ it's something she's struggling with. her feelings towards theresa are mild at best, but she doesn't particularly loathe her... and she knows very little of duncan as a person as well, and it's been what he's done, not really duncan himself, that she has issue with...

it's hard to know where to stand on the issue. for her, at least.

the statement gives her reason to pause, and she simply rereads it a few times, basking in it. ]

Thank you.

That means very much to me.

[dammit thanks he never knows how to answer those. but it makes him smile, at least.]

I'm glad.

[and delay, while he considers 'players are still people.' sigh, yes, that is something he was forced to confront after his fight with the Spenta, that all players are different and should be judged individually, just like anybody else.]

[AND HE HATES IT.]

[no but, he struggles with it sometimes, at least]

Yes. They are still people.

But it's strange to think of them that way. They're people who know everything about us when we know nothing about them.

It's uncomfortable.

Is it? I suppose so. There wasn't much of me for her to know. There's more she doesn't now, and I have the choice of telling her or not telling her. And I've chosen not to.

I am sorry you do not have that same freedom.

I wonder sometimes if I would rather have your situation. Having no past seems better, sometimes.

I have never minded it... it is outside influences that have made me feel otherwise.

And it has made me sad to know that I could never be a part of another's life the way others are. To have a whole history, whole memories...

But, I am content with who and what I am, and what I have. I do not seek to change any of it.

[does that mean he wouldn't be able to have iravati if he didn't have a past?]

[...maybe his life is worth it, then, if that's the alternative...]

Even I don't have a whole history or whole memories, even if it's more whole than yours.

I don't think it stops you from being a part of someone's life.

I suppose.

...perhaps I am a little jealous, though. Time also gives strength to one's importance, does it not?

[jealous :< now he feels bad. does that mean she's jealous of the closeness between him and Vati?]

[he did hurt reilanin over it...]

Ah, I suppose that's true. But there are people I've known a very long time who aren't important to me at all, and people I've known a very short time who are. So it's not as plain as that.

Mm...

Then it makes no difference. I will make my own history.

Yes.

You have a good start on it already.

[ .... :>

there's a long pause after this... some debate on what to do next. the matter of alexander still bothers her greatly, and she wants to do something for ravindra, but there's nothing to be done in the apartment.

she goes out and wanders a bit, aimless, until she finds the little store with the little toy animals in it again.

what finally is sent back to him is a small plush cat, chibi-style, orange and white with little whiskers, the same style as the little fat dog she got for alexander. hope you like it, ravi ]

[oh my goodness rei he loves it, it is the cutest. he sends back a thank you but it does not really capture how happy he is to get something like this from her]

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